Since you guys enjoyed our last video from The School of Life so much, we decided to show you a new one. “How to Help Those We Love” is a video created to help us understand how to take care of those we love, because sometimes just loving someone isn’t really enough, we need to learn to understand in which way this person needs us to manifest this amount of love we feel.
When we see a loved one suffering, the impulse to help floats logically free of any actual ability to do so. Two people can try to be supportive and understanding of each other, but lack the tools or the skills to deliver.
We don’t recognize an unmentioned phenomenon, and that is how subjective the notions of help really are.
We usually take our preferred style to comfort others, but since it’s our own personal style, we are usually wrong, which makes our partner original distress worse since they now feel ignored.
And we take them to be ungrateful or cruel and then we become upset vowing never to be kind again.
So we suggest different styles to help, like listening, because when you are upset, what you want from a partner is to sit with us and really listen.
We don’t want answers, solutions or analysis, we want them to just listen. We don’t need an immediate solution to the problem but to feel listened and just receive a little attention.
And we need solutions, but precise and concrete ones, because vague sympathy is worthless.
Love may not feel real unless when it comes with concrete solutions. We may not be against our partner spending money helping us fix our problem, like paying an accountant or a lawyer.
Usually, when we talk about our problems or our agonies, we just want to hear that everything is gonna be ok.
It’s ok tell a white lie from once in a while to make us feel hope again, because to us, love is a is a species of hope.
Alternatively, maybe it’s hope that’s making us upset, we just need a quiet walk around our catastrophe.
We want someone to be with us in our fears, when our partner is ready to match our most forbidding analyses can we be reassured we’re not in the hands of a sentimentalist, we know they will stick with through everything.
Cuddles may sound as a lame response to bad news, but it can be a reliable evidence of heartfelt love.
To help our mind we need someone to reassure our bodies first. Touch soothes, so being hold tight by someone we love helps a big deal.
So recognizing that there are different styles of help at least alerts us to the severe risks of misunderstanding.