Pablo Luna
Falling in love, creating a life together, and eventually getting married is always a mysterious process. You never know when it’s going to happen, it happens almost irrationally, based purely on a feeling. It appears suddenly, out of the blue, completely out of your control, and takes over every aspect of your life. And just as mysteriously as it appears, it sometimes, also, disappears.
When a marriage breaks apart, it usually isn’t because of a specific reason. The truth is it started breaking before that, slowly but thoroughly throughout time over a series of reasons. Until one day it becomes too much to bear. It may seem hard at first to come to terms with the fact that your relationship might be coming to an end, but ignoring the signs won’t make it go away. It’s at that point that you need to face all the different consequences of a marriage ending.
Emotions
The end of a marriage is one of the hardest things to get over. We have an emotional memory that makes us relate objects, sounds, experiences, and even tastes to emotions and people. It’s what makes us, for example, think of home when we smell cinnamon or feel happy when we eat cake.
Spending a number of years living with somebody, especially as a couple, will make us have many things that remind us of our significant other. Once the relationship ends, it can be really hard to face all these things again without thinking of that someone. It isn’t an easy step, but taking back our memories and emotions is an essential part of recovering after the end of a marriage.
Stability
Part of what makes a marriage so special is that it brings a certain stability to our lives; emotionally, socially, and financially. When you share your emotional, social, and sexual life with somebody else, you get used to sharing all aspects of these parts of our lives with someone. We get used to having someone to talk to when something changes or vent about when things don’t go our way.
In a similar way, when we’re in a relationship, our brain releases serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine that creates that sensation of happiness and being in love. It’s a feeling we quickly get used to, and when we get out of the relationship, it feels like something is missing. The first moments after the marriage is over it can feel like there is an essential part of us missing, but it’s just the aftermath of love. Over time, our love and passion for other things and people will bring back these sensations.
Legality
Unfortunately, when it comes to ending a marriage, it’s not only emotional work that needs to be done. It involves countless hours of paperwork, decisions, and compromise. This part of the process can cause a lot of stress and even more damage to the relationship. That’s why it’s extra important to prepare yourself for what’s to come.
Personally, I would get in touch with a good team of divorce lawyers who will help you sail through the process without having to worry as much. This is a stressful time! Whether your marriage has ended amicably or not, it’s important to set boundaries and manage this part of it professionally. It’s hard enough to separate from each other emotionally, there’s a lot of feelings to process and they should be kept separate from the legal aspects.
Ending a marriage is one of the hardest things one can go through emotionally. There are so many aspects of our lives that are affected by this that it can seem like an almost impossible task. But it isn’t. It’s not an easy process, but with the help of those around us, a huge weight can be lifted off our backs.
This is the time to focus on the positive aspects of life. There’s no time to think about what could or should’ve been. Don’t hold back your feelings, everything you feel is completely valid, but deal with them patiently and calmly. Don’t hide what you feel, but don’t let your emotions take over your life. Find support in those around you and face every day like it’s a brand new start. It’s a tough process, but you can make it.
